Yaacov and Eisav were twins, but they were wildly different. We can easily understand why Rivka loved Yaacov our forefather, but why did Yitzchak love Eisav, who was not a scholar or a man of God, but one who rebelled from Judaism, who was rough and wild, and married out?
The answer is simple. Yitzchak loved Eisav because Eisav was his son, and that is what parents do. They love their children no matter what. This does not mean that Yitzchak thought Eisav was the right person to continue the covenant, or that he was happy with Eisav marrying Hittite women. The text explicitly says he was troubled by this. Yitzchak could see Eisavās true character. But he also knew that a parent must love their child because this is their child. They can still reproach them for their actions. But a parent does not disown their child, even when they are disappointed in them. Yitzchak was teaching us a fundamental lesson in parenthood.
Yitzchak knew that his father had sent his brother Yishmael away. He may have known how much that pained Avraham and injured Yishmael. There is, in fact, a series of midrashim that suggest that Avraham visited Yishmael even after he sent him away, and others that say it was Yitzchak who brought about the reunion. Yitzchak was therefore determined not to inflict the same fate on Eisav.
Likewise, he knew to the emotional trauma both he and his father has suffered from the trial of the Binding. The trial was surely necessary, otherwise God would not have commanded it. But it left wounds, psychological scars, and it left Yitzchak determined not to have to sacrifice Eisav, his own child. In some way, then, Yitzchakās unconditional love of Eisav was a tikkun for the rupture in the father-son relationship brought about by the Binding.
We could even go further. In a way, Yitzchakās gift of paternal love helped prepare the way for the next generation, in which all of Yaacovās children remained within the fold.
There is a fascinating argument in the Mishnah on the meaning of Devarim 14:1, the passuk that says about the Jewish people, āYou are children of the Lord your God.ā Rabbi Yehudah said this applied only when Jews behaved in a way worthy of the children of God. But Rabbi Meir said that it was unconditional: whether Jews behave like Godās children or not, they are still called the children of God.
To take seriously the Jewish idea of Avinu Malkeinu, that our God, our King is first and foremost our Parent, is to instil the most profound emotions into our relationship with God. There is bound to be conflict, as all children sometimes conflict with their parents. The relationship can be fraught, even painful, yet what gives it its depth is the knowledge that it is unbreakable. Whatever happens, a parent is still a parent, and a child is still a child. The bond may be deeply damaged but it is never broken beyond repair.
Perhaps that is what Yitzchak was signalling to all generations by his continuing love for Eisav, who was so unlike him, so different in character and destiny, yet never rejected by him ā just as the Midrash says that Avraham never rejected Yishmael and found ways of communicating his love. Unconditional love is not uncritical, but it is unbreakable. That is how we should love our children ā for it is how God loves us.
This summary is adapted from a Covenant & Conversation essay by Rabbi Sacks
Rabbi Dr. Samuel Lebens is a professor of philosophy at the University of Haifa. His latest book is āA Guide for the Jewish Undecided.ā