This was a dilemma faced by our patriarch Jacob. In Parshat Vayeshev, we are told that he sent Joseph on a mission to Shechem, and he said to him, “Lech-na re’eh et-shelom acheicha” – “Go now and see how your brothers are.”
Jacob knew that there was a deep feud, an enormous tension, between the brothers on the one hand and Joseph on the other.
Why did he send him on this mission, and what was he saying to him?
Actually, in the Hebrew text, the Torah should have said “please now go Leddarash et shelom acheicha,” in order to find out, but instead it says “re’eh” – “see the shalom of your brothers.”
What was there to see?
The 19th-century Chasidic master, Reb Simcha Bunim of Peshischa, gives a beautiful commentary. He says as follows: The term “Shalom” – peace – comes from the root “Shalem,” which means wholeness.
When you achieve peace, everything is whole, everything is perfect. So, Jacob was saying to Joseph, “Go and see the shleimut,” the wholeness, of your brothers. And what you will realise is that, right now, there is a feud between you on a particular issue, but actually, beyond that issue, you have the basis to get on well with them. See the whole person, as a result of which you will admire them. You will be able to love them.
In Pirkei Avot, we are taught, “Vehevei dan et kol ha’adam lekaf zechut” – “Judge everybody favourably.” But actually, “kol ha’adam” means “judge the whole person.” Because if you’ve got some reason to doubt or to hate, actually look at the entire person, and you will find that there is so much about that individual that you can admire.
And now we can understand another teaching in Pirkei Avot: “Vehevei mekabel et kol ha’adam b’seiver panim yafot” – “You should greet every person with a cheerful countenance.” It’s not every person, it’s “kol ha’adam” – greet the whole person with a cheerful countenance.
Because sometimes, when you see certain people and you know that they are really disappointing you, you might not be so cheerful. However, if you see the whole person, then you will come to respect them and hopefully love them.
Unfortunately, what Jacob tried to do failed in that instance. But that shouldn’t stop us from seeing the whole person and striving always to get on well with one another.
Shabbat Shalom.